photos de paris

eventually...

After agonizing over the two job offers, I begged, pleaded, and grovelled, and bought an extra 48 hours to make a decision. During that time, I managed to call the folks in the Netherlands, nail down some more details, and then talk with one of the guys that I'd actually be working with. Being around my age, he was able to give me a pretty good picture of what it's like to live and work in Holland and some inside information on the group at work. Not being able to visit and scope things out before actually making the decision, I really latched on to his descriptions and used them to make my final choice.

Philadelphia is the safe and comfortable choice. I know the city, was good friends with the people that I'd be working with, and have somewhat of a community there already. The job, although a few rungs up the corporate ladder, wouldn't be completely new to me. It is, however, the more logical career move for me.

That said, I decided to turn down the offer in Philly and go with the option that makes me tremble in anticipation. Just as when I was deciding between two options before choosing Boston, I picked it because it was the one that freaked me out more because there were so many more unknowns.

The strange part of this whole process is that regardless of which job I took, I wouldn't start until next spring. I have some loose ends to tie up here at the job in Boston before I can move on, and despite the fact that it's not written in my contract, I really can't take another job until my 18 months is up here. So, while I'm excited about the prospect of moving to the Netherlands, I can't actually be officially offered the job until next year, nor can I plan the details around my move.

It's like Purgatory - only I know I'm getting out eventually.

decisions

Sunset over the rocky ledge of Pemaquid Point lighthouse in Bristol, Maine


Climbing across large rocks and poking in tidal pools along the beach in Maine, collecting flat stones and large pieces of driftwood which have been worn smooth from years of being swept by crashing waves, Jo and I spent a relaxing weekend getting away from the insanity of our lives. Hers, being a university administrator during the start of the fall semester, and mine, trying to hold down a full-time job, a concurrent large project in Philadelphia, and trying to decide between two job offers.

Fortune was in our favor as we stumbled upon a cozy little bed & breakfast in Walpole which had a room available because of a last-minute cancellation. Not having planned the trip far enough in advance, we spottiness hopped in my trusty RAV-4 and drove north with no destination in mind, aside from a general agreement that we wanted to visit Maine. With the cooperation of the sun and the rain clouds, we managed to explore pockets of the state which weren't overflowing with long weekend tourists and managed to consume satisfying amounts of fresh lobsters and littleneck clams. Drenched in a bowl of hot butter and served with chowder and corn, each meal was messy, yet a veritable seafood feast.

As I type this entry, I've just finished reducing some wild blueberries on the stove with granulated sugar and Grand Marinier, which makes a decadent topping to drizzle on top of a bowl of cold vanilla ice cream. The berries were purchased at a roadside stand on the drive back and weren't sweet enough to have been finished off in handfuls in the car, so I saved them to fashion into tonight's dessert. Armed with spoonfuls of delectable sweetness, I'm ready to contemplate my future.

it was a very good year

After a lazy, rainy day, I drove over to S & F's place to dine on a delicious risotto, paired with a 1979 Bordeaux. There was a moment of silence, followed by laughter when I realized that I was sipping a wine that was bottled the year I was born. A warm summer evening, good food, great wine, fantastic company...

hiding under a blanket

Sometimes it's overwhelming just realizing how much there is to do in so little time.

Juggling two full time jobs and managing resources for both is taking its toll. While it's been an exciting challenge, I'm beginning to realize how unrealistic it is to hold down both and maintain my sanity. Reality can be tough to swallow. As much as I think I can handle the pressure, I'm coming to the distinct realization that I'm only one man and can only do so much given 24 hours in a single day. Between deadlines, travel, and accounting for how others fit into my competing demands, it really feels like I have each limb tied to a different horse and they're pulling in four different directions.

Sometimes it's just easier to hide under a blanket, if even for a few minutes, just to collect my thoughts and take a deep breath before emerging from a figurative 'time-out' and saying to myself, "bring it on!"

has it been that long?

i've been such a sporadic blogger that i barely feel like mustering up the energy to write even the occasional entry. the weekend has been gorgeous so far and aside from dinner and a movie at the harbour ('rebel without a cause') at sunset on friday night, i haven't really been partaking. spent the morning washing dishes, then stepped out briefly to pick up some groceries, as well as some long green bamboo stalks for the 2.5' glass vase that sits in my bedroom. came home, made a refreshingly summertime meal of greek-style tabouleh with fresh dill, cilantro, and crumbled feta cheese, then gotcracking on some of the administrative parts of the side project that i'm working on.

happy canada day!
(i sang a silent 'o canada' in my apartment today in commemoration of the event.)

japanese corner store

Day two started with a walk to the nearby corner store to pick up some toiletries. Not being able to read Japanese, I had to search quite hard to make sure that I wasn't picking up a toilet sanitizer instead of a bar of soap.

stimulating...

First evening in Tokyo and it's been...well...an experience.

I think I look too Japanese for my own good as all the locals start speaking to me in Japanese and freak out when I answer back with a helpless look on my face and start muttering out english phrases. I managed to catch a limousine bus (not a prestigious as the name mightsound) from Narita International Airport into Tokyo and then hail a cab to my hotel. two fairly big accomplishments and not a word of Japanese except "arigato gozaimsu."

The minute I arrived at the hotel, I got a call from my friends Fredrik and Sylvi who brought me to a "contemporary performance art show" at this great advertising firm/art gallery at the invitation aof a friend and her husband who's an artist. It was, interesting, to say the very least. one of the performances included a naked man guzzling a bottle of wine while being flogged with whips and barbed wire by a girl in a house coat. and that was probably one of the less risqué performances! One of the other ones was a guy sitting atop a ladder, unzipping his pants, and sipping on a long straw which was held to his genitals while a video camera played the close-up on a screen behind him. Not even after an hour after I arrived in Tokyo,
this is what I was introduced to. Needless to say, we didn't stay long and instead moved to a cool little bar down the street called "Lether Bar" which was owned by a Spanish ex-pat.

After a few drinks and meeting some friends of friends, we went out to a Chinese restaurant and had some Peking duck (delicious) and chinese sherry (absolutely horrendous!). The restaurant was in Roppongi Hills, which is now a cleaned up, more European part of town, but which used to be the red-light district. Appropriately enough, the restaurant is decorated with giant phalluses on the walls, as well as breasts aplenty, and at the bar, an oversized bell carved with a very large vagina looms above diners.

And this was all in the first night.

This is going to be one hell of an trip!

I *heart* SF

Back in San Francisco for another business trip. Every time I visit this city, I'm reminded of how much I love it. The beautiful views of the mountains and the pacific ocean, the wonderfully eclectic architecture, the diverse nooks and crannies of the city, the relatively temperate weather, and the ever-present greenery. I could write songs about how much I fall back in love with it each time I return, and how heartbroken I am each time I get on a plane to leave.

I don't know if I ever felt this way about Boston. True, I was excited when I first moved there - I moved across the continent, for goodness sake! But after the initial rush, I don't know that I'm still as jazzed about living there. True, I've never lived closer to a (sorta) metropolitan city before and that's kinda great. And I really love my apartment. I've got a small circle of friends around the city that I enjoy spending time with. But yet, something's missing. Work is relatively fulfilling, although I am getting somewhat bored by the day-to-day. The one consolation is that I am starting to get more interesting "side" projects. The downside of this is that I end up spending too much time slaving away and not enough time playing.

When I start feeling like this, I start to think about the job offer in the Netherlands. Although I understand and have come to terms with tea fact that I'm tied to an informal contract in Boston for another year, I can't help but feel a little resentment about the fact that I had to turn down the opportunity to live and work in Europe. I guess I have to remind myself that whether I'm here or there, the initial feeling of excitement will only last for so long. I need to somehow get at the heart of what's making me feel so melancholy before I decide to make another major life change.

...but that's a bloc for another day.


One Love :: Bob Morley