Okay, perhaps that's a little melodramatic. I was cropping down a proof at work today, and without paying attention, i sliced the top of my thumb open. It was one of those weird moments where you realize what's happenening while it's happening, but are powerless to stop it. Kind of like a car wreck. I could have kicked myself for being so stupid!
Anyway, bleed, bleed, bleed. Gush, gush, gush. It was a messy sight. I had planned on just bandaging it and sucking it up, but when I realized how bad it might be, I made a mad dash to the first aid guys in the office. Luckily, I was greeted by Rob, one of my favorite firast aid guys. He cleaned and wrapped my finger in a cool pressure bandage (which was complimented by the nurse who did my initial examination a few hours later), then called and got someone to drive me to emergency to get it stitched up.
I don't think he actually told them why I needed to get to emergency - just that I needed to go, so when Britta got the call, a bit of a panic ensued. They tried to find Terry, because he drives like a madman, they rationalized, and could get me there faster. But it would take forever to track him down, so it would probably be faster for her to send Katie.
Katie ended up being my personal ambulance and rushed me to a walk-in clinic nearby. We reasoned that I'd probably get stitched up faster and have a shorter wait than if I went to emergency. Plus, Katie has a bit of a crush on the the doctor at this particular clinic, so this plan wasn't without its ulterior motives.
We made fun of people in magazines while we waited, and as we shuffled through the stack of magazines, we found a pad of viagra stationary. I took one quick look at it and knew that I had to steal a sheet or two for posterity. My favorites are point four and point five.
how to make viagra work for you
4. You need sexual stimulation in order for Viagra to work.
[Followed by a picture of a man puckering up.]
5. Viagra doesn't work for everyone the first time they take it, so try again another day.[Accompanied by an image of calendar pages flying off as they are being torn. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again?")
Anyway, when I finally went it, Dr. H decided to shoot me with a bunch of needles. Tetanus, lidocaine, sutures... The Tetanus booster was cake, but lucky for me, I cut myself right where the nerve endings are, so I was howling in pain by the time the last two needles went in. Dr. H gave me this explanation and then then said, it's gonna hurt real bad, but it doesn't make you any less tough..."
As the needles went in, I holwed back, "I don't care how tough or simpy I come across...that hurts like HELLl!!!" Followed by, "Ohgod! ohgod! ohgod!" in rapid succession.
Because one of the stitches was near the nail, he didn't use any lidocaine for that one...just went straight at it. I was warned ahead of time, but I still cursed under my breath in every language I could conjure up!
As brutal as he sounds, Dr. H was actually pretty great throughout the whole thing - joking with me as we went on. I never understood Katie's crush on him before, but now that I've met him. I totally get it. He is, like, the nicest man ever. As Dr. H walked me back out to the waiting room, I spotted Katie peeking up from behind the pages of her magazine, all flustered and excited to catch a glimpse of him.
"Wasn't he the greatest?" she gushed as we walked out of the clinic.
I have a hunch that she'll volunteer to drive me back next week when I have go back to get my stitches taken out.
Between Signal & Noise :: Elvind Aarest
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